I found this article in Reader's Digest and I thought it was absolutely hilarious!!! It's March issue but I kept procastinating so...whatever! Anyway, I'll now post this story on what the Devil did during the 7 days. According to the Bible (yes, I'm a Christian...), God created Earth and humans in 7 days, but at the same time, what did the Devil do? Check this out, 'kay?
In the beginning God created heaven and earth. And earth was without form and void.
God made a circular light in the heavens, and he called it the Sun. And God saw that the light was good.
The Devil made a smaller light, rectangular in shape, and he called it TV. And the Devil saw the light was bad.
God made springs which came out of the ground, oozing fountains of pure, fresh water. And God saw that the water was good.
The Devil invented fizzy drinks. And saw that fizzy drinks were bad.
God said, Let the earth bring forth vegetables, and herb of the field, that the children may grow up healthy. And it was so.
The Devil said, Let there be deep-fried potatoes.
God said, Let the waters bring forth 10,000 varieties of fish, that they may provide sustenance for the children.
The Devil arranged that the fish be smothered in batter, deep fried, and served with deep-fried potatoes.
God created the cattle of the field, and said, Behold, I have given you every living creature that moveth; to you it shall be for meat.
The Devil showed how the meat could be minced and turned into burgers, and suggesteth that it be always served with deep-fried potatoes.
And on the 7th day, God rested and asked his children rest too, and use the day to contemplate the wonders of creation.
And the Devil created the all-day brunch, cartoon TV channels, and Sunday newspapers filled with articles about celebrities, that the minds of the children be filled with rubbish and their bodies filled with yet more deep-fried potatoes.
God said to the boy. Take the girl and go forth and multiply. And of your seed I shall make a great nation, as numberless as the stars of the heavens.
The Devil invented the computer and recruited 10,000 demons to fill it with online battle and images of top heavy women. And the boy did part with the girl and did instead cleave to the computer.
God pointed out to the girl that he had made her with many attractive blandishments which she could use whenever the boy was away from the computer.
The Devil invented the Nintendo DS Lite (PSP) so that the boy will be able to take computer games with him wherever he goes.
Now the serpent was more subtle than any of the animals that God had created. And the Devil did enter into the serpent and cause him to say to the girl and the boy, The tree in the middle of the garden the Lord hath told you not to touch. But I say unto you, if you eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, your eyes will be opened and you shall be as gods.
And the boy and the girl looked at the serpent and said unto him: No thanks. We liketh not fruit. But hast thou any deep-fried potatoes?
And here endeth today's scripture reading. Amen.
Funny right? Though maybe Christians will understand the joke more...but I think most of you have a little idea on Adam and Eve... I know it's a little tough to understand if your English ain't too good... but it's quite easy to guess what they're saying... Sayonara!!!
After watching Naruto Movie 5: Bonds, I was REALLY dissatisfied. I mean, I can't even feel the bond between Sasuke and Naruto! In fact, it feels like they just put Sasuke in so that the movie will sell. Sasuke barely glance and talk to Naruto for 3 seconds, and the new character in the movie had NO DEPTH WHATSOEVER!!! I can't even feel the evil in the freaking villian (which feels like something out of Dragon Ball Z) seriously...that movie...just sucks...at least that's my opinion...so don't get angry!!!
Naruto has defied destiny many times, but can he really cheat death for the second time?
Summary: A shinobi and his daughter have moved into the Hidden Leaf Village and are now the village’s new ninjas. They are from the Takasugi clan—a powerful clan with a bloodline trait that is able to manipulate time. Meanwhile, Sasuke Uchiha is after them to steal a scroll containing secrets of their bloodline trait. Unfortunately, the only way for him to steal the scroll is to enter the village that he once lived.
Prologue
Sasuke Uchiha walked slowly as he let his eyes adapt to the darkness around him. He had just entered a hidden cave and is now walking towards a secret room where Orochimaru and Kabuto is. He stopped in front of wall and waited for a few seconds, the wall moved and slid away to reveal a room. Inside, he could see a glow and started to move towards it. Sure enough, Orochimaru sat there, the candlelight only illuminating part of his face, and beside him, is the ever faithful Kabuto.
“Sasssukeee...” Orochimaru said. “I have another mission for you…”
Sasuke’s eyes squinted slightly with annoyance. “What makes you think I’ll do it?”
Kabuto as usual immediately chided in to correct Sasuke’s impoliteness, only to be silenced by Orochimaru. “I think you’ll find it interesting…” Orochimaru paused. “The scroll I want you to retrieve contains secrets of a bloodline trait that might be more powerful than the Uchiha’s…” he paused again, he knew he got Sasuke’s attention now. “A bloodline trait that can manipulate time…”
Sasuke’s eyes widen with interest and waited for Orochimaru to continue. “Think about it Sasuke…defeating Itachi will be so much easier if you acquired the skill to manipulate time at your own will…”
“Where’s the scroll then?” just the mention of his older brother’s name will make his blood boil. He will kill him, one way or another.
Orochimaru’s lips curled up into a devious smile. “The scroll is with the clan’s leader, Shunji Takasugi. From what Kabuto found out, he is trying to make an alliance with Konoha and so he will be heading there soon.”
Sasuke had already retreated to the door when Orochimaru stopped him. “I hope you enjoy yourself in this mission. Take as much time as you want. After all, it isn’t like there are many chances for you to go back to Konoha...” and with that Sasuke disappeared back into the darkness.
That's just the prologue...I'll update first chapter soon...please comment but no flamming!!!
Hey guys! I'm back with part 2 of my infamous guide on how to survive your teenage life. This time the tips are a little more random because like I said in part 1...I make these tips as I go... Anyway on to part 2!
Tips on controlling your anger:
1. ALWAYS have a punching bag in your room.
2. If you don't have a punching bag, vent your anger on their clothes. First pull on it (but not until you rip it) and repeat several times on different directions.
3. When your angry, go into the bathroom, take a handful of water and throw tha water towards the wall while you SILENTLY yell 'b***h!!!'
4. When they're not home, take every second you have to curse and cuss them. You'll need it later.
Tips on giving your parents your bad report card:
1. If your grade A is for example 75 and above, but your parents wants you to get an 80 and above A, tell them you got A's on which subjeacts from LOWEST to HIGHEST. This way when they ask you about your marks, you can say the good ones only.
2. If they asks for marks, tell them the good one only. DO NOT make it a habit of telling them all of your marks, whether it is good or bad.
3. Never say for example 'I got ... in maths, ...in English, etc etc...' You don't need them remembering your marks.
4. Before handling your report card, be (of course) an angel!!! And most importantly, DO NOT make them angry!!!
Like the title says, I ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY HATE YOU!!! For those of you who know me, you might know who is it. Even though I wish I could write that b***h's name, I cannot for safety measurements. (Sorry for B-word, I just absolutely hate her!!!) This poem is written because of her, some of you might be surprised. I think I did warn you guys, I'm not the kind of person you think I am. I can be your best friend, and I can be your worst enemy...
Seventeen years
I've been enduring it for seventeen years
And there was never a day I had peace
You were always there to find fault of me
Nagging and scolding
That's what you always do
You think you're so great
You think you can read me like a book
Always comparing and never praising
And even if you do it never last
I'm sick of putting up a show
Just so that I can have rice in my bowl
Everytime you say you know me
But in fact you know nothing
You don't know what I really like
You'll never understand why I fight
I have always lied
I have lied my entire life
I've cheated myself again and again
To save what's left of my pride
I would never cry for anyone
And yet I cry everyday because of you
Even when I'm in my dreams
I live in the hatred and pain of you
No more
I can't take it no more
Tonight is going to be the last day
You force me to stay up late
With my sleep deprived mind I entered your room
And held up the knife that I had secretly took
I cursed you under my breath for one last time
And stabbed you in the heart while you sream in fright
Now in my room I feel so serene
The house is silent and the room is dim
I shut my eyes slowly and drifted of to sleep
Finally, finally I can have some peace
Wow...pretty emo huh? Well that's how much I hate her. But don't worry, I won't kill her (yet), at least I think I won't. Whatever, to hell with her!!! This is going to be the last year I suffer her b***hiness!!!
